Flowers will come

an invitation to silence

From the barren fields of serious illness (cancer and a couple of other matters), flowers are indeed beginning to come forth.

I was recently at the hospital, seeing my oncologist, for the first time since he suspended all chemotherapy and targeted therapy back at the end of July, and then referred me for urgent surgery. 

It was a meeting I entered fully in the unknowing. There was no way to know what might be coming. None at all. The news was striking.

I am in remission from cancer. Just one single cycle of chemotherapy brought me to pathological complete response. The tumours in my body have gone, confirmed following surgery and biopsies. They even returned the biopsies to be checked again, to be sure. It’s true.

I have been somewhat speechless since this news, stunned as to how a single treatment of chemotherapy, and two treatments of targeted therapy, could bring about such a healing, when a year of treatment, and 12 treatments of chemotherapy in total had been planned.

I am in the process of making decisions about post surgery (adjuvant) treatments that have been offered, as I can choose, all, some, or none. I am following my heart wisdom, and clinical wisdom, combining medical knowledge with heartfelt inner wisdom. I have discussed with several professionals who know my case, and I am supported in my decision. I am going to focus on moving forwards without further adjuvant cancer treatment. Some treatments are not available to me anyway at present, due to ongoing ischemic colitis from the initial chemotherapy cycle.

If the cancer recurs, I will take the treatment offered, but at this time, my health has been impacted by not only the cancer, but by the serious side effects of treatment. I am still under review, and hopefully soon, treatment, for the one condition that remains, three and a half months from onset.

My focus remains on silence, stillness, fresh air, nature, exercise, good nutrition, rebuilding my health, strength and wellbeing. One step at a time. But it is beginning.

It is my joy to be able to share this news with you today, knowing that not everyone is blessed with such a remission. Also knowing that cancer may recur. If it does, I will meet it fully, once again. Either way, all is well, and as it should be.

Whatever you’re going through right now, flowers can and will come. They sprout not outside of us, in the world, but in our hearts, in all circumstances. So we must care well for our inner conditions, and nurture the gardens of our hearts. This is the work I focus on here at Silentium, paying attention to the silent garden of the heart.

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